IBINUNYAG ng Garbage frontwoman na si Shirley Manson na hinihiwa niya ang sarili noong kanyang kabataan para malagpasan ang depression.

Nagsalita ang singer tungkol sa kanyang life low sa bagong essay para sa The New York Times, na pinamagatang The First Time I Cut Myself.

Sa powerful piece, idinetalye niya ang pattern ng self-harm na ginawa niya noong siya ay dalagita, ibinunyag na madalas siyang gumamit ng penknife na itinatago niya sa kanyang boot.

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“I was in my late teens, darkly in love with someone who wasn’t in love with me,” pagbabalik-tanaw niya tungkol sa masakit na panahon sa kanyang buhay. “I was having sex with multiple partners, experimenting with drugs and drinking copious, alarming amounts of alcohol. I would often fall foul of crushing depression, struggling to get out of my bed before four in the afternoon. Having flunked out of school, I had no set future in mind.”

Binalikan ng 51-anyos ang kanyang unang karanasan bilang cutter, ibinahagi na itinulak ito ng dysfunctional relationship.

“I felt a warm surge of comfort and relief,” isinulat niya. “Relief from the rage. A relief from the powerlessness. Something had happened that didn’t feel right, and here were lines of my blood to bear witness to it and speak of it on my behalf.”

Kalaunan ay lumala ang kanyang destructive tendencies.

“Once you choose to indulge in it, you get better, more efficient, at it,” paliwanag niya. “I started to hurt myself more regularly. The cuts got deeper. I hid the scars under my stockings and never breathed a word about it to anyone.”

Sa dulo ay nalagpasan din ng singer ang kanyang disorder at nakontrol ang negative thoughts na madalas mauwi sa pananakit niya sa kanyang sarili.

“Today I try to remain vigilant against these old thought patterns,” pagbabahagi niya, idinagdag na pinipilit niyang maging mabait sa sarili at sa ibang tao, at sikaping maging masaya sa lahat ng pagkakataon.